On Thursday evening I came home from work and did my usual routine, fed the cats, got changed then sat while they fussed over me and scrolled through social media. Somebody had posted a picture of Prince on Instagram and i instantly liked it... then I saw the caption was of a broken heart. I was confused, obviously checked Twitter (the hub of breaking news) and saw the rumours that there had been a death at Paisley Park.
I became panicked but also they were just rumours right now. The rumours, within minutes, became reality and it was confirmed the death at Paisley Park was Prince himself.
I sat on the floor in my spare room under the window, I was in shock. I started to say aloud things like 'no' and 'oh God!' and then my hands began to tremble and heart began to hurt. The tears started small but grew into hysteria. I text my mum, she was also a big fan, and she knew exactly how I was feeling, her idol Marc Bolan died suddenly when she was a teenager and her heart broke just like mine.
I sat there still or about an hour, an influx of messages from friends who knew how I'd be feeling came through but replying was hard. I eventually went downstairs and put CNN news on the TV and watched as people were interviewed who knew him and fans who had flooded to Paisley Park to see what was going on. Songs played in intervals but I was sat in silence as I just watched, my hands still shaking.
I managed to eat about 8pm, I made some chips and dipped them in Hummus. Comfort food. About 9pm I sat in candlelight and put the radio on, the Radio 1XTRA DJ was playing non-stop Prince and after a few slow ones he played some hits and favourites. I noticed that I was bouncing about in my seat and even smiling as I sang my heart out. THIS is what Princes music was to me, it made me feel happiness like no other music has done.
A celebrity death has never affected me like this. Obviously I feel sad, earlier that day I found out that Chyna from WWF wrestling back in the days where I was obsessed with it has died and I was sad, I felt sadness. I cried when Whitney Houston died. But this was another level of sadness - this was heartbreak. Thankfully the next day I didn't have work, I mourned all day. I stayed in bed until about 5pm and then I cooked. As I cooked I decided to blast some Prince tunes to get that happy feeling back and it worked as it always had done before.
When I got a little 8-week old kitten there was only one name he had to have - Prince. In his namesake he always wears a purple velvet collar, he used to have a little Prince symbol dangling from it before he lost it in, and he has a tiny Cloud guitar which still sits on my bookshelf.
After a night watching Purple Rain with my old housemate, the next day he tattoo'd the Prince symbol (in purple of course) on my ankle.
In 2014 I got to see the man himself in concert. I skipped work in the afternoon and drove 2.5 hours to Birmingham. I wore a paisley dress and danced and sang until my throat didn't work. This video is the only video I took and it was almost at the end of the show, I didn't pay attention to taking photos of videos as I was too wrapped up in seeing this tiny man, dancing on stage like he was still 21, playing guitar and piano like a musical God, his vocals like a record, never missing a high note.
A mysterious genius, an icon of never being afraid to be nothing but himself whenever and however he wanted without care of what anybody else thought, so sadly died at 57.
My heart is still heavy but everytime I put on any number of my favourite songs by him I feel my heart lift slightly and I can't help but feel happiness.
Sleep well Beautiful One.